July 28 -Missions, Part 4

I must begin the last of my series on missions with an apology. It has been two weeks since I last posted, which you will notice; however, my summer has taken a turn for the better, thus occupying my mind quite heavily. But excuses aside, here is the rest of my story.
While you may not find my activities on the Thailand trip to be very high key, this trip did present me with a challenge which I had not experienced on the previous trip. The very lack of activity drained me emotionally, as I struggled with the pressure of not meeting the standards I had set for myself. I went to Thailand intending to experience a profound change in my life that those around me would notice. Of course I wanted to be a blessing to those I would be serving as well. Fact is, I hoped to accomplish something big, you know, start a program or whatever. Two weeks into the trip, I decided I had failed. I was questioning God as to why I was even there. I was actually ready to come home. At this point, I gave up the fight. I determined to accept that my relationship with the Vandenhauttes was the only success that I would bring away from Thailand. In fact, it was my friendship with them that helped me deal with my apparent failures at the university.
However, despite my many mistakes, God showed up and proved Himself true. I had, ever since junior high, looked at myself as a failure. I expected failure of myself in every area while at the same time being terrified of it. God had once promised me that He would turn my failures into successes. I had let go of this promise, but He remembered it quite well.
When I let go of my fight, He stepped in and took over. There was a guy who had showed up at the English Resource Center, and would later come to a couple of my classes, with whom I started hanging out at the local coffee shop. I didn't speak Thai, and he didn't speak very good English, but we talked as much as we could, and I had the opportunity to share my personal testimony with him. One night towards the end of my trip, he wanted to hang out for a bit, so we went out to a coffee shop again. During a lull in the conversation, he asked me, "Why do you believe in God?" I saw my opportunity, so retold my story, then asked him if he was ready to make Jesus Christ his Lord and Savior. He said yes, so I led him in a prayer. As I did so, I could feel a sense of joy and completeness like never before. Surprisingly, I never felt any pride in the part I played in it. I only felt awe that God could use someone as broken and full of faults as I was. I knew now that my battle had been won; my failure turned to success, not because of what I had done, but because of who He is. This is, in fact, the reason that I live: not because of who I am or what I've done, but because of who He is and what He has done.
That experience completely broke my fear of failure. I knew that I could trust Him to take my mistakes and use them for His purposes. Isn't that the way we are supposed to live? This is perhaps the message of my experience in missions: that we must seek after Him and His Kingdom with all that we are, while recognizing that we are broken people and He a whole and perfect God who will use our brokenness to accomplish His will. Will you agree with me in surrendering our brokenness to His purposes?